Come what may and Love it

Last December Just before Christmas, Kellen was diagnosed with Autism. It was a lot for me to take in, the signs were there but I really just couldn't see them. I cried at random moments for about the first week. I told my family through email, because I couldn't bring myself to say the word "Kellen has Autism" out loud. When the phycologist was giving her diagnosis she never really came out and said your son is Autistic, she used word like Spectrum, and here is where he scored (which was in the sever range) So I was like, "He's Autistic?" And she said Ummmm.... Yes. Almost like she wasn't sure how I was going to take it, and she really didn't want to hurt my feeling. But don't worry I held it together till I got to the car.

The days and weeks that followed were A LOT more clear. All the signs were there, and for me it was like night and day difference, I could see them now. I always thought, "that is just Kellen," "He just has a hard time sometimes." And he did have a Diagnosis of a Sensory Processing Disorder, so I just thought all his problems were that. Things will flow better if I start at the very beginning.

Just a few months after Kellen turned one I felt like there was something wrong. He started having these horrible melt downs. Melt downs that you can't really explain, you just have to see them. They would last up to an hour or two. And the slightest things would set him off. He got older, the melt downs got worse, and he still wasn't talking. I really started working with him and his Sign Language. It took 6 months to get him to sign his first sign back to me, "Please." So any time that he started to have a tantrum because I didn't understand what he wanted, I tried to calm him down and help him to sign please. It helped a lot, but there was still a lot going on. I would ask people if they thought "He was normal" or "is that "Normal," and everyone reassured me that he was fine.

Kellen had just turned 2, still not talking, still has these horrible melt down, so we took he to his Pediatrician. Were I was completely offended! We told him our concerns, "He's not talking yet, he is extremely hyper, he can't sit still, he doesn't focus on one thing for more then 10 seconds, he is obsessed with lining things up, he won't stay dressed, he doesn't respond to his name, and on and on. He told me he's doing all these things for attention!! ATTENTION! "How much time do you spend with your son?" ALL DAY!!! (at this moment Kellen was all over the room, getting into things that I had told him 20 times not to get into) "Well what he is doing now, he's doing because he knows it gets your attention." WHAT! then he says this and I just about lost it. "You can give up on your kids." I am not giving up on my son, I am trying to help him. Well, to say the lest I was so red in the face by the time I left that office. He did give us a referral to a place that could test him to see if he needed Speech therapy. It was going to be really expensive though. It wasn't until a family member helped me find the early intervention program for my state. I was so clueless. You mean to tell me this place will test Kellen for free and if he qualifies he will get speech for free too. I had no clue. Why didn't the MD tell me about the Early intervention Program? Probably because he thought I was a bad parent.

Kellen qualified, Hands down. He was 2 years old with zero words, and some serious behavioral problems. So people started coming to the house testing Kellen, asking him questions, asking me question, started setting goals. And therapy started, I was so glad he was getting some help.

I was at church one day when a girl came up to me and started asking me some question. Her little boy is in the same program, she had been watch Kellen and felt like she needed to talk to me, Which I am sooooo thankful she did. The moment she came over Kellen was at the start of a total melt down because the sleeve of his shirt had been pushed up from his Coat. She asked me if he did that often. I told her all the time! He hates shorts, socks, shirts, hats, etc. She asked me if he had a Sensory Processing Disorder, and I asked her Whats that. So she loaned me a book to read, and It was like I was reading about Kellen, I could believe it. So I asked Kellen's speech Therapist if it was passable, and she said "oh yeah he does, we just hadn't decided what to do about it yet." What, when was someone going to tell me? " Well I would like Kellen to start Occupational Therapy ." The lady was kind of like, Oh... well I'll have to see if our OT has room for one more. WHAT! Kellen did get OT thank goodness, and Behavioral Therapy. The thing is I am telling these people all these signs for Autism and no one is tell me that there might me a change that he is Autistic.

So Kellen turned 3 and graduated from the Early Intervention Program, if he needs help still it is now the School districts responsibility. He started to regress right away. As soon as the therapist stooped coming things started to go down hill fast, and he still didn't have any words! Your taking Speech therapy away from a Kid who still has no language skills? He did have about 40-50 signs though. So I started to ask his school teacher if there were any programs that he might qualify for, because he obviously still needs help, she says "well not really, you could have him tested by the school phycologist, but he would need a Spectrum Diagnosis to qualify for free services." I told her to set it up and with some hesitations she did. After Kellen received a Diagnosis of Severely Autistic, Medium-Low function, she told me she wasn't surprised! If so many people were not surprised, then why wasn't anyone saying something? Not enough funding?

So this is my life with Autism. I hope that through all I have to say, that it will help others to be able to see the sign of Autism and to not be afraid to talk about it. If anyone has any questions you are more then welcome to ask. I am an open book now. Being a parent of an Autistic child is very lonely and stressful, I am so thankful for a Husband that helps me along the way, he dose so much more then any average husband or father does. I off ten hear things like "I get tired just watching you, How do you do it?" My answer is, "The Lord gives me strength!" and that is my son, I love him and I would do ANYTHING for him.