It's not just a stick!

One thing that always gets me kind of emotional is seeing Kellen play with other kids his own age. It just reminds me of how different he is. Today the sun was shining and I decided to take him to the park. With our sunny days few and far between you can imagine how packed it was, which always over whelms him. I have to say up front, that he did so good. He didn't even throw a tantrum when it was time to leave. It just seemed like today all the kids were picking on him, one little kid (older then Kellen) actually tried to pick a fight with Kellen, because Kellen bumped him with his stick. This kid got so MAD, I was shocked, I tried to explain to the kid that my son doesn't understand you. And then a little while latter Kellen dropped the stick so he could climb and another little boy picked it up. If you know Kellen you know you don't mess with his sticks!

(think of your own child and the thing they are the most attached to, a blanket, or stuffed animal, then take it and hold it just out of reach. Kellen's security items are sticks) That should help you understand everything better.

Kellen just lost it, the tantrum was started the tears were streaming. And this kid was adament that the stick was his now. I hated seeing Kellen like that, after all Kellen had it first. I tried to explain to Kellen the best I could that we needed to share our toys with other kids. Eventually Kellen tore it from the other kid's hand and ran off, with little boy and me chasing him. I really wanted Kellen to have his stick but I couldn't let him keep it, because of how he took it, so I made him give it back to the other kid. Kellen followed that kid all around the park crying for the stick for then next 10 minutes until the other mother said he had to give it back. That's all it took, and he stopped crying and went and played. If that mother really new what it was doing to Kellen, I think she would have made her son give it back sooner. She probably just thought I was a bad mom and that I need to teach my kid how to share.

Lots of other kids were getting mad at him because of other varies things. It was just really hard to see the other kids pick on Kellen right in front of me. I tried to step back and let kids be kids, but I couldn't. I tried to help Kellen interact with the kids appropriately but the kids didn't care, in there minds he was just in the way, and they wanted him to leave. When did kids get so feisty.

It makes me so worried to think that when he goes off to elementary school that the kids will pick on him, and I wont be there to defend him, or help him to say the right things. Today I have really felt the weight of being a mother of such a special boy, I feel totally inadequate and horned at the same time to be given such a big responsibility. I love Kellen so much and It just breaks my heart to see him struggle.

I got Board

Preston is doing homework and I am surfing the web. I came across a few fun things that I thought I would share.

Cloth Diaper burp Cloth Tutorial

Baby bib Tutorial

No Sew fleece blanket

Diaper Changing Pad Tutorial

Knit Rose

Cloth Shoes Pattern

Reversible Apron

Bed Skirt Tutorial

Diaper/wipes case Tutorial

Bird Mobile

Onesie Dress Tutorial

Jumper Dress Tutorial

And can I just say I love this little dress!!!

Just a few photos.

Just some fun photos of Kellen we took a few weeks back when the weather was nicer.

It was a really nice day in this photo, haha such a funny kid.

16 weeks

Kellen loves his mommy! and really wanted to be in the picture with me. I love this little boy soooooo much!!

I know you can't see my baby bump that well because I'm in a dress, but it's there trust me. Feeling pretty good so far, it amazes me at how different this pregnancy is from Kellen's. One thing that is a complete opposite is that this baby almost never moves! At least not that I can feel. So maybe there is hope for me yet. Kellen started kicking at 12 weeks and never stopped. And here I am at 16 and just barely feel the slightest little butterflies. Kellen was more like a fish out of water. My Sciatics, Hips & Back are already killing me, but doing Yoga every night has really been helping. If I'm hurting this bad now what is it going to be like when I'm really big. I feel totally dependent on food, which I hate, but if I don't eat almost every hour I start to feel dizzy and light headed. I have also been a lot more tired this pregnancy, but that is probably just because I have to keep up with Kellen. I ordered some maternity clothes which should be here some time this week, which is good, because nothing is fitting. I just hope they fit, I had a hard time with maternity clothes with Kellen, everything just hurt my belly and was either to baggy or to tight in the tummy. We will be finding out the sex in just 4 short weeks!!! yay!

Fun & Free

One things that Kellen is so good at that it shocks me sometimes is Puzzles. He does some puzzles that I have a hard time putting back together, and he does them so fast that it's almost not worth the $8-$9 I spent on it. A few months ago one of Kellen teachers gave him a File Folder Game. She said that he loves File folder games and that she made this one for him to keep. So I went home and got online and printed off a few more game for him to do, and then a Friend of mine gave me like 5 more games. Kellen and I are having so much fun with them.

Here is a link to one good page were you can print off the pages, then you cut them out and glue them in a file folder. I like to laminate the folder and the loose pieces, so that it will last longer. I also use Velcro to make sure the matching pieces stay together, Kellen like it to. So far we have 3 Color matching games, 1 Size matching game, and 5 Shape matching games. There is a number game that I think I will make next. There is a good Alphabet game for older Toddlers, it's just a little hard for Kellen. They have other games for older kids to, to help them with math and science. I like to look at the games by grade.

What you will need:

1. File Folder
2. Glue
3. Laminating Paper or Box Tape (I use box tape)
4. Scissors
5. Velcro (sticky)

Here is another link I just found today that I am really excited about. Kellen needs lots of repetition so I did a search for flash cards. I didn't feel like going out and buying them. There are quite a few sets I want to print. It's always fun to get what you want for free.

I hope you guys enjoy the links, and have some fun making games for your kids.

Church

Sundays are a really hard day for Kellen, the routine is different so that might add to it. He cried most of the morning because he didn't want to get dressed, which is not at all out of the ordinary. If you have ever stooped by then you know that Kellen hangs out in his underwear or PJ's all day. And not because I'm lazy, because he wont let me take them off, and I am not going to pick a fight I know I can't win. He is learning that if he wants to go bye bye, he has to put on clothes. As soon as we get home he will go strait to his room and find his PJ's though.

Kellen still goes to the Nursery, even though he should be in primary. Since the beginning of the year we have been trying to get him to go, but it is just to much of a change, and can't handle it. A few times they brought him to me in a total melt down, I felt so bad for him. He is normally such a happy kid, and to see him cry like that just broke my heart. So the teachers and I tried a few things but nothing was working, so we thought it would be best to let him stay in nursery for now. Thank goodness it's a small nursery. I'm hopping that when we move we will be able to get him into primary in our new ward, but then again everything is going to be new, and tossing primary into the mix might be to much.

Today I went to go check on Kellen in the nursery to make sure he was doing ok. I peeked through the window to see Kellen standing on the table dancing, and then jump off. This kid cracks me up.

Another time, I helped out in the nursery because they were short handed, and Kellen seemed kind of wired. I asked the nursery working if Kellen was always like this, She said "Oh no this is a good day for him." Oh my goodness my child keeps them on there toes.

Sacrament is always the hardest for Kellen, which it is for all kids. Most of the time we only make it long enough to partake of the sacrament and then leave. I know we should try to stick it out, but Preston and I have had enough bloody noses and fat lips to last a life time. We take turns being out in the hall with him, so that each of us gets to hear a little something. I feel like we have tried everything, and nothing is helping. This may be one of those things that will just get better with time, and we just need to be patient.

Here is what we have tried: Different toys every week. A special toy to hold as we walk into the Chapel. Headphones with soft music. His blanket. Getting there first. Getting there last. Bribery. Tons of food! Sitting with friends. Sitting alone, or near the front, or in the way back. Taking him for walks every 10 minutes. Compression vest. and others.

And it's not even that I want him to sit and be quiet, I just want him to not climb over/under the pews, to not throw his toys/shoes 6 rows up, or pull the hair of the girl in front of us, or start screaming in the middle of a pray, or start hitting the woman next to us.

I know there are a few of you guys that have some experience with special kids, so I thought I would just throw this out there, I am at a complete loss of how to help Kellen get through church. So if you have ideas of things I have not tried feel free to share.

Arizona or Bust!!

YAY!!!

We have been waiting for this email for months and it finally came last night!

Preston was just placed for Student teaching this fall in Mesa Arizona at Staply Jr. High!!

We really wanted Arizona, so we are ecstatic about the up coming move. We have been looking at Apartments online for weeks and think we have found a nice place. If you live in AZ and want to give me your feed back that would be awesome. It is right near the Superstition Spring Mall.

Rich & Shelly I might be calling you to go take a look at it for us, so that Preston doesn't have to fly out there mid semester. Were still not sure how we are going to move with 2 cars and a moving truck. Oh well I don't even care at this point I am just so excited that I can start planing. Hooray!

Official Announcement

It's official

I'm Pregnant!!!

This has been a long time in the making, but we are really excited to welcome a new member of the family. I just reached 12 weeks, and figured it was safe to share with the world. Baby #2 is due to make it's arrival late November. So if your trying to do the math in your head, let me just help you out. That puts Kellen 4 years older then the baby. It's really wasn't our plan to have such a big space, it was the Lords. But I have to say it just feels like perfect timing.

When I discovered that something was MIA I took a pregnancy test, to my surprise it came up positive. So naturally I took another test 3 days latter, and that one came up positive too. So I told Preston "I think were pregnant!" and showed him both the test. I was having the normal signs of pregnancy but still I thought it was just in my head. I really didn't believe I was pregnant until we had our first ultra sound, and I was like "There's a baby in there!"

Now that we are past the first 12 weeks I feel like I can breath again, I have had so may miscarriages that i was afraid I was going to loose this one too. We are finally allowing ourselves to be excited. I know that may sound funny, But we really wanted this baby, but didn't want to put our hearts out there to far.

So a big sigh of relief, and a loud shout Hooray comes from the Lindsay House!!!

Here is a less then flattering picture of me, taken yesterday, at 12 weeks.

I am a lot smaller at this point then I was with Kellen, shocking I know.

Back to School

Kellen started back up at school today, which is always nice. He attends the preschool at BYU, so they set everything up like semesters. This will be Kellen's 3rd semester there. Preston was so kind to take Kellen this morning so that I could go to the temple, it's been awhile. Kellen is in a normal class with regular kids, which is both good and bad in my opinion. It's good because he will hopefully pick up on some of the good behavior of the other kids, and learn what he is suppose to be doing. And not so much bad but hard, when you put Kellen next to another 3 year old you can really see that he is different. And the other kids are picking up on it too. At home I sometimes forget that he is autistic, or even 3 for that matter.

I was at the park the other day with Kellen, back when the weather was nice, and there was this little girl that keep calling Kellen's name. I was like is she calling my Kellen?? When she came over I recognised her from his class last semester. She always made such an effort to say Hi and Bye to Kellen at school, which I loved. That little girl will never know how much that ment to me. I would always have to tell Kellen to say Hi or Bye. So were at the park and she comes running over and says hi. "Kellen say Hi." Kellen says hi and then some gibberish, and then "I hurt" and points to his missing tooth. That's a boy for you, show off those battle scars.

We just learned today that Kellen will only be getting 4 more weeks of school, and no summer school because of budget cuts. Other then preschool the only other outside help that he gets is 45min of Speech and 45min of OT once a week, which in my opinion is not enough. Most of his Speech Therapy and OT he gets from me here at the house. He loves going to school, and I love it to, even though he doesn't pay much attention to the other kids he likes to be around them. And it gives me a 2 hour brake to do what ever. I might try to get his Therapist to give him more time, will see what happens.

Here are a few photos of Kellen at School. They are taken by his shadow teacher.

Kellen is wearing he compression vest in this photo, and that is one of his teachers next to him.

Kellen is suppose to be finger painting, but he doesn't like his hands to be sticky. So they let him use paint brushes.

One of the things that Kellen is really good at is building. He always builds these elaborate Lego towers. It's kind of impressive.

Come what may and Love it

Last December Just before Christmas, Kellen was diagnosed with Autism. It was a lot for me to take in, the signs were there but I really just couldn't see them. I cried at random moments for about the first week. I told my family through email, because I couldn't bring myself to say the word "Kellen has Autism" out loud. When the phycologist was giving her diagnosis she never really came out and said your son is Autistic, she used word like Spectrum, and here is where he scored (which was in the sever range) So I was like, "He's Autistic?" And she said Ummmm.... Yes. Almost like she wasn't sure how I was going to take it, and she really didn't want to hurt my feeling. But don't worry I held it together till I got to the car.

The days and weeks that followed were A LOT more clear. All the signs were there, and for me it was like night and day difference, I could see them now. I always thought, "that is just Kellen," "He just has a hard time sometimes." And he did have a Diagnosis of a Sensory Processing Disorder, so I just thought all his problems were that. Things will flow better if I start at the very beginning.

Just a few months after Kellen turned one I felt like there was something wrong. He started having these horrible melt downs. Melt downs that you can't really explain, you just have to see them. They would last up to an hour or two. And the slightest things would set him off. He got older, the melt downs got worse, and he still wasn't talking. I really started working with him and his Sign Language. It took 6 months to get him to sign his first sign back to me, "Please." So any time that he started to have a tantrum because I didn't understand what he wanted, I tried to calm him down and help him to sign please. It helped a lot, but there was still a lot going on. I would ask people if they thought "He was normal" or "is that "Normal," and everyone reassured me that he was fine.

Kellen had just turned 2, still not talking, still has these horrible melt down, so we took he to his Pediatrician. Were I was completely offended! We told him our concerns, "He's not talking yet, he is extremely hyper, he can't sit still, he doesn't focus on one thing for more then 10 seconds, he is obsessed with lining things up, he won't stay dressed, he doesn't respond to his name, and on and on. He told me he's doing all these things for attention!! ATTENTION! "How much time do you spend with your son?" ALL DAY!!! (at this moment Kellen was all over the room, getting into things that I had told him 20 times not to get into) "Well what he is doing now, he's doing because he knows it gets your attention." WHAT! then he says this and I just about lost it. "You can give up on your kids." I am not giving up on my son, I am trying to help him. Well, to say the lest I was so red in the face by the time I left that office. He did give us a referral to a place that could test him to see if he needed Speech therapy. It was going to be really expensive though. It wasn't until a family member helped me find the early intervention program for my state. I was so clueless. You mean to tell me this place will test Kellen for free and if he qualifies he will get speech for free too. I had no clue. Why didn't the MD tell me about the Early intervention Program? Probably because he thought I was a bad parent.

Kellen qualified, Hands down. He was 2 years old with zero words, and some serious behavioral problems. So people started coming to the house testing Kellen, asking him questions, asking me question, started setting goals. And therapy started, I was so glad he was getting some help.

I was at church one day when a girl came up to me and started asking me some question. Her little boy is in the same program, she had been watch Kellen and felt like she needed to talk to me, Which I am sooooo thankful she did. The moment she came over Kellen was at the start of a total melt down because the sleeve of his shirt had been pushed up from his Coat. She asked me if he did that often. I told her all the time! He hates shorts, socks, shirts, hats, etc. She asked me if he had a Sensory Processing Disorder, and I asked her Whats that. So she loaned me a book to read, and It was like I was reading about Kellen, I could believe it. So I asked Kellen's speech Therapist if it was passable, and she said "oh yeah he does, we just hadn't decided what to do about it yet." What, when was someone going to tell me? " Well I would like Kellen to start Occupational Therapy ." The lady was kind of like, Oh... well I'll have to see if our OT has room for one more. WHAT! Kellen did get OT thank goodness, and Behavioral Therapy. The thing is I am telling these people all these signs for Autism and no one is tell me that there might me a change that he is Autistic.

So Kellen turned 3 and graduated from the Early Intervention Program, if he needs help still it is now the School districts responsibility. He started to regress right away. As soon as the therapist stooped coming things started to go down hill fast, and he still didn't have any words! Your taking Speech therapy away from a Kid who still has no language skills? He did have about 40-50 signs though. So I started to ask his school teacher if there were any programs that he might qualify for, because he obviously still needs help, she says "well not really, you could have him tested by the school phycologist, but he would need a Spectrum Diagnosis to qualify for free services." I told her to set it up and with some hesitations she did. After Kellen received a Diagnosis of Severely Autistic, Medium-Low function, she told me she wasn't surprised! If so many people were not surprised, then why wasn't anyone saying something? Not enough funding?

So this is my life with Autism. I hope that through all I have to say, that it will help others to be able to see the sign of Autism and to not be afraid to talk about it. If anyone has any questions you are more then welcome to ask. I am an open book now. Being a parent of an Autistic child is very lonely and stressful, I am so thankful for a Husband that helps me along the way, he dose so much more then any average husband or father does. I off ten hear things like "I get tired just watching you, How do you do it?" My answer is, "The Lord gives me strength!" and that is my son, I love him and I would do ANYTHING for him.